Let Heaven Shout (Bethel) – Rachel Shambaugh
Okay, God. I’m defenseless and tired. I’m failing others and others are failing me. I can’t hear You respond when I cry out, but I know You hear me. Now, I’m listening to You. I really am listening.
Yesterday I had the loneliest, most unbearably beautiful drive back into the Valley. Every mile became more and more glorious as I noticed Jesus in the scenery around me. I started looking toward trees and up at mountains hoping to see something more beautiful than the last. Eventually my eyes were tired and I couldn’t even remember my standards for beautiful in the first place. I realized, after a while, that my search didn’t make the beauty any more real. Beauty exists in things because God puts it there. If I’m not seeing Him in things, I can’t fully grasp the beauty before me.
With that being said, life has been hard. If I were to paint my current state, I’m not sure I would feel worthy enough to use any colors other than black and gray… which don’t seem to be colors anyway. I fear routine and legalism. I dread loss of excitement and freshness. Night time is daunting and mornings are a tease. Conversations begin to drown underneath expectations, or lack thereof.
I expect all the wrong things, and I think we all do that most of the time. I look at people the way I look at God. Or maybe it’s the other way around. When I think of comfort I imagine my house on a hill in northern Virginia, and I taste strong coffee and sweet oranges. When I think of love, I think of sacrifice… but the wrong kind. When I think of acceptance, I think of how many of my words are lost in cold air with no response.
I forget to look for God in those things. I forget that He is the reason I can feel comfort and love and acceptance. No daunting future or terrible present day can diminish His active presence in all things. It’s no wonder discomfort and sour tastes are all I’ve had, because I haven’t looked for or listened to the Lord in the things that are breaking me. I think I’m listening as I open up the Word and a few good devotional books. I think I’m listening when I babble in prayer. But I’m just creating noise to cover His voice. I’m painting black and gray over His colors.
But now, I’m listening. And I’ll let heaven do the shouting.