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Miracles are coming!

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. (Psalm 139:14)
I know that all things work together for the good of those who love You, to those who are called according to Your purpose. For whom You foreknew, You also predestined to be conformed to the image of Your Son, that He might be the firstborn among many. (Romans 8:28,29)

I am blown away almost every week by how many people tell me that they are praying for me and remembering my life. My thankfulness is beyond words. To those who pray for me and keep up with my life, here is something to be praying for: I have finally submitted to God’s will for my life and decided to pursue leading worship. (!!!!!) It’s incredible how overlooked His plans are. And His plans are the good ones! I am very excited to share this with you…

Since the end of November last year, I have been gradually losing my energy, becoming more depressed, and overall just settling in what the enemy has been trying to convince me of. I have definitely been spiraling downward. I’ve been so ill and weak that I ended up having to move back in with my parents, and I have seemed to lose all of the things that I once looked forward to. It has been a dark time.

But roughly over the past two months, I have been growing more and more unsatisfied with where I’ve been headed: a career in early childhood education. I always felt the need to make worship music plan b or c, because I was told by a few opinions that I value, “you just can’t rely on a career like that to have a stable life”…

Here’s the thing. Since I was fifteen years old, sitting in front of my computer with my little Luna guitar, playing until my fingers were raw and singing until my voice was lost, encountering Jesus and falling so madly in love with Him, I have been so sure that I will be provided for and that worship leading is my calling. Being so young, I have kept my mouth shut and let the world guide me into the life of an average Joe.

However, I am deciding right now that I will no longer be driven by doubt. There is a huge difference between seeking Godly counsel and listening to a few opinions that you respect. There is a huge difference between saying that God will provide and living to make way for His provisions. I will not live a life trying to feed my ego or the egos around me. I am living for my Savior, and if I have been given the ability to lead others into a place of worship, then (literally) by God I will do such thing.

So, I am in the process of applying to a worship school. I am sure as anything that this is where I am supposed to be… if not this year, then next. I hope that you will join me in prayer about this. While waiting and praying, here is a song that I recorded during finals week last December. It is very fitting :-)

My prayers are for you!
-Rachel

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Satisfied in You

Have a listen before reading:

I’m learning a lot that I was hoping I would never have to learn. It’s very easy to say that you are satisfied by God when all is going well in life… When you are relatively healthy, when you wake up and it is easy to choose being happy. Even the smallest things make life so seemingly easy, and allow for us to become so ignorantly blissful. Like craving a hearty meal, or looking forward to going to bed.

I have been sick since early December. Lot’s of small things paired with mononucleosis. It seems like one day I can barely talk because my throat is swollen and sore, the next day I’m sick to my stomach, the day after that my head is throbbing from morning to night. Each day I have about enough energy to walk around for about ten minutes then I have to sit for at least an hour to recuperate. I realized yesterday how tiring it is for me to walk up a flight of stairs. By the time I reach the top, I’m dizzy and my legs are shaking.

I think even more than all of that, I am crippled by fear. A kind of fear that has no right to weigh me down, but still… it haunts me and wakes me up in the middle of the night. I’m afraid of being so caught up in pain and exhaustion that I lose sight of who Jesus is. That is what feels the worst. But last night, through tossing and turning and unexplained pain, I had no choice but to cry out to Him. And He answered.

So here I am, sitting at home in Stephens City, taking a break from the busyness of what I was so excited for my life to be. My windows are open and my curtains are blowing with the breeze. My floor is covered in boxes that I’m unpacking little by little. My walls are covered in my favorite paintings and pictures and dried flowers. There are three dogs snoozing by my bed, keeping me safe. And there is a new song in my heart, calling me to admit that I am satisfied.

I am a seed that needs to fall and break in order to grow. I am being surrounded by terrifying waves, but He created them. And as I sit here typing this, the birds are singing along with this song. My heartbeat is steadier than it has been in a while. And I am satisfied.

Blessings to you, dear friends.

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A New Year, Christ has Intruded.

Today, with enough God-given chilly breeze to blow away any lingering doubts, I am overcome with a new kind of joy. A new kind of peace has flooded in me, and I know I am being called to remain still as He fills me up to overflow.

I have a wonderful boyfriend. His name is Isaac, and he fears the Lord. We met while at Work Crew for Young Life in New York during the summer of 2013. Our story is funny, and I’m hoping it is one that I can share for the rest of my life. Anyway, the Lord uses Isaac in just about every way I can imagine to pull me off of my high horse and set me on the solid foundation that is Christ.

When I think of Isaac (I can’t lie, I don’t know if I ever stop thinking about him), I am reminded of promise and safety and hopeful strength. I never stop laughing when I am with him. He makes life enjoyable and fun. He reminds me that life is an adventure that is meant to be lived to the full. Such a blessing. And I hope and pray that all of my girl friends end up with someone that loves the Lord like Isaac does. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them because they are compelled and inspired by Christ.

But, I cannot bank on that. I am realizing for the millionth time this afternoon that these  promises don’t ring true because people like Isaac are willing to ring out. The same goes for anything else that I treasure and consider good. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, remains except/without Jesus. It is enough to make me want to crumble up and fall to my knees. It is a strange kind of heartbreak to release everything but Jesus to Jesus. It is not a painful or lasting heartbreak (or maybe it is better labeled as heartache) simply because nothing is being lost. Nothing is being broken.

When we surrender everything (that we do not have ownership of in the first place) to God, peace floods into our hearts. Jesus can wash our feet, as He longs to. (John 13:1-7). The Holy Spirit will become more apparent in our lives. When God moves, we will not be able to just smile it off and say  “Thank You”. We will have no choice but to fall down (however that might look) and worship. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing when Jesus invades and everything is placed into His hands.

I, along with so many others that I know and love, have been trying too desperately to run away from this truth. I can laugh now because it seems like such a hilarious concept to run away from the only lasting and good thing in existence. I want to make this year (sorry for the cliche, but I am beyond determined and am not planning on letting anything get in my way) entirely about Jesus. It is our purpose to do that, anyway. I want Him to intrude and invade and make my life His dwelling place. I want to walk into a room and make others uncomfortable because they don’t see me, they see something too large and wonderful to grasp. I want to throw all of the things I love, good and bad (including myself), into the willing and capable arms of Jesus.

I hope this has encouraged some of you to do the same. Jesus is waiting for us. The least we can do is wait for Him.

In light of all of this, here is the most recent song I recorded. It’s a Judah Lee song, set up to sound like wedding vows to our Creator. I hope it blesses you as well.    Happy New Year!

-Rachel

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Let Heaven Shout

Let Heaven Shout (Bethel) – Rachel Shambaugh

Okay, God. I’m defenseless and tired. I’m failing others and others are failing me. I can’t hear You respond when I cry out, but I know You hear me. Now, I’m listening to You. I really am listening.

Yesterday I had the loneliest, most unbearably beautiful drive back into the Valley. Every mile became more and more glorious as I noticed Jesus in the scenery around me. I started looking toward trees and up at mountains hoping to see something more beautiful than the last. Eventually my eyes were tired and I couldn’t even remember my standards for beautiful in the first place. I realized, after a while, that my search didn’t make the beauty any more real. Beauty exists in things because God puts it there. If I’m not seeing Him in things, I can’t fully grasp the beauty before me.

With that being said, life has been hard. If I were to paint my current state, I’m not sure I would feel worthy enough to use any colors other than black and gray… which don’t seem to be colors anyway. I fear routine and legalism. I dread loss of excitement and freshness. Night time is daunting and mornings are a tease. Conversations begin to drown underneath expectations, or lack thereof.

I expect all the wrong things, and I think we all do that most of the time. I look at people the way I look at God. Or maybe it’s the other way around. When I think of comfort I imagine my house on a hill in northern Virginia, and I taste strong coffee and sweet oranges. When I think of love, I think of sacrifice… but the wrong kind. When I think of acceptance, I think of how many of my words are lost in cold air with no response.

I forget to look for God in those things. I forget that He is the reason I can feel comfort and love and acceptance. No daunting future or terrible present day can diminish His active presence in all things. It’s no wonder discomfort and sour tastes are all I’ve had, because I haven’t looked for or listened to the Lord in the things that are breaking me. I think I’m listening as I open up the Word and a few good devotional books. I think I’m listening when I babble in prayer. But I’m just creating noise to cover His voice. I’m painting black and gray over His colors.

But now, I’m listening. And I’ll let heaven do the shouting.