1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praiseinstead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.
What a God we serve. He is delivering me from the darkness that I have been living in. He is equipping me to bring Him glory, and is honoring my dreams at the same time. It will never cease to amaze me how far He is willing to go to tell us that our seemingly small dreams are huge to Him.
Yesterday I found out that I will be attending Seacoast School of Worship for the 2015-2016 school year. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I was one of the 12 students accepted this year. I’d love for you to check out the school and rejoice with me –> seacoastschoolofworship.com
We will be growing in many different areas of leadership, musicianship, and discipleship… but most importantly, we’ll be coming back to the heart of worship and falling in love with our Heavenly Father all over again. Classes will begin in late August and run through May 26 of next year. So, thanks to God’s wonderful and unreasonably lovely will for my life, I’ll be living in Mt. Pleasant, SC for about 9 months. What a good, good God!
Over the next few months, I’ll be fundraising like crazy so that I can attend. I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord will provide, and I am so excited to see the ways in which He will! I will be posting details shortly, but for now, enjoy this song and keep on the look out for exciting new things!!
-Rachel
My Brother’s Song (written for my brother’s homecoming from Korea. He’s in the Airforce and he’s too awesome for words.)
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. (Psalm 139:14)
I know that all things work together for the good of those who love You, to those who are called according to Your purpose. For whom You foreknew, You also predestined to be conformed to the image of Your Son, that He might be the firstborn among many. (Romans 8:28,29)
I am blown away almost every week by how many people tell me that they are praying for me and remembering my life. My thankfulness is beyond words. To those who pray for me and keep up with my life, here is something to be praying for: I have finally submitted to God’s will for my life and decided to pursue leading worship. (!!!!!) It’s incredible how overlooked His plans are. And His plans are the good ones! I am very excited to share this with you…
Since the end of November last year, I have been gradually losing my energy, becoming more depressed, and overall just settling in what the enemy has been trying to convince me of. I have definitely been spiraling downward. I’ve been so ill and weak that I ended up having to move back in with my parents, and I have seemed to lose all of the things that I once looked forward to. It has been a dark time.
But roughly over the past two months, I have been growing more and more unsatisfied with where I’ve been headed: a career in early childhood education. I always felt the need to make worship music plan b or c, because I was told by a few opinions that I value, “you just can’t rely on a career like that to have a stable life”…
Here’s the thing. Since I was fifteen years old, sitting in front of my computer with my little Luna guitar, playing until my fingers were raw and singing until my voice was lost, encountering Jesus and falling so madly in love with Him, I have been so surethat I will be provided for and that worship leading is my calling. Being so young, I have kept my mouth shut and let the world guide me into the life of an average Joe.
However, I am deciding right now that I will no longer be driven by doubt. There is a huge difference between seeking Godly counsel and listening to a few opinions that you respect. There is a huge difference between saying that God will provide and living to make way for His provisions. I will not live a life trying to feed my ego or the egos around me. I am living for my Savior, and if I have been given the ability to lead others into a place of worship, then (literally) by God I will do such thing.
So, I am in the process of applying to a worship school. I am sure as anything that this is where I am supposed to be… if not this year, then next. I hope that you will join me in prayer about this. While waiting and praying, here is a song that I recorded during finals week last December. It is very fitting :-)
I’m learning a lot that I was hoping I would never have to learn. It’s very easy to say that you are satisfied by God when all is going well in life… When you are relatively healthy, when you wake up and it is easy to choose being happy. Even the smallest things make life so seemingly easy, and allow for us to become so ignorantly blissful. Like craving a hearty meal, or looking forward to going to bed.
I have been sick since early December. Lot’s of small things paired with mononucleosis. It seems like one day I can barely talk because my throat is swollen and sore, the next day I’m sick to my stomach, the day after that my head is throbbing from morning to night. Each day I have about enough energy to walk around for about ten minutes then I have to sit for at least an hour to recuperate. I realized yesterday how tiring it is for me to walk up a flight of stairs. By the time I reach the top, I’m dizzy and my legs are shaking.
I think even more than all of that, I am crippled by fear. A kind of fear that has no right to weigh me down, but still… it haunts me and wakes me up in the middle of the night. I’m afraid of being so caught up in pain and exhaustion that I lose sight of who Jesus is. That is what feels the worst. But last night, through tossing and turning and unexplained pain, I had no choice but to cry out to Him. And He answered.
So here I am, sitting at home in Stephens City, taking a break from the busyness of what I was so excited for my life to be. My windows are open and my curtains are blowing with the breeze. My floor is covered in boxes that I’m unpacking little by little. My walls are covered in my favorite paintings and pictures and dried flowers. There are three dogs snoozing by my bed, keeping me safe. And there is a new song in my heart, calling me to admit that I am satisfied.
I am a seed that needs to fall and break in order to grow. I am being surrounded by terrifying waves, but He created them. And as I sit here typing this, the birds are singing along with this song. My heartbeat is steadier than it has been in a while. And I am satisfied.
I am realizing more and more each day how troubling and avaricious a lifestyle I have been living. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m deliberately choosing things before I choose God, but I am neglecting to choose anything at all (God included). The past couple have months have been pretty difficult months, and so, in light of being all dried up and without any words to complete my thoughts, I will crumble underneath His majesty and admit, “All glory to God.”
Physical health is an intimidating sea to sail. Especially when pain and discomfort are almost constant, almost daily. However, while He cares for my pain and died to prove it, life is not about what we feel, rather, what we have faith in and know to be true. What most nonbelievers don’t understand is that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, weighs heavier on you or makes you feel lighter than the love of God. There is no need to dwell on pain, because 1) His love covers it, and 2) He wants us to offer it up to Him. Glory to God.
In the span of roughly fifty days, I have managed to paint a picture of myself onto a perfectly beautiful and blank canvas as an impecunious, fragmented, ill-fated wretch with no purpose. That is depression for you. It distorts your vision so that all you see is regret and future self-neglect. I don’t remember waking up one day and thinking, “Man, I guess I am depressed now”. It was slow, gradual, and it loomed over my head day in and day out. And now, there seems to be a thick gray cloud that my puny arms can’t swat away. However, the joy of the Lord is my strength. He has told us His truths so that we may be filled with joy. Yes, our joy will overflow… (John 15:11 NLT) And 1 Thessalonians 5:16 (NLT) tells us something simple and heartbreakingly profound: Always be joyful. I know that the Lord doesn’t expect me to muster up artificial joy every morning. He knows my weaknesses, and He knows my heart. Joy is a gift from Him, and, believe me, my arms are wide open to receive. Glory to God.
Mostly, though, these past few months have been poison to my heart. It seems most people I encounter are willing to wage a war and spit some type of poisonous sin into the air and wait for the same thing to be returned. And if it’s not that, they are naturally expecting me to be the one spitting. And those who don’t take part are happily standing by with their own planks in their own eyes, firing off splinters and hoping to hit hidden targets. I have been feeling more than discouraged. Aren’t we meant to bear one another’s burdens? Aren’t we called to act in love, breathe it in and out and give it freely? If one person has a bucket full of love, and the other has only judgement and hate, the trade is obviously not fair. That is when we are called to give our buckets of love away, however much we can muster, and ask nothing in return. I guess that is grace. I guess that is what Jesus was literally dying to tell us. It doesn’t matter if I live my whole life trying to stomp on the agony that comes with being misunderstood by those who are called to mission by Christ. I don’t need to beg God to smite those who hurt me. He loves us just the same. Glory to God.
I have said time and time again… If God called me out into the desert to be utterly alone, by human standards, and give me access to nothing but Himself… would that not be an honor? What a joy to imagine a life without distraction, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord constantly, for the beauty of the Lord is so much greater than anything else… But we aren’t called to be comfortable and we aren’t called to be safe. Not in a physical sense, anyway. He is our comfort. He is our safe place. He is our ever present help in time of trouble. He knows our hearts when not a single person dares to. He is enough. Glory to God.
Here is an old hymn that I added to some music I wrote a couple of years ago. Thanks to my sweet friend Erica for the background image and being my company during this rough time. Your spirit is a contagious one.
Today, with enough God-given chilly breeze to blow away any lingering doubts, I am overcome with a new kind of joy. A new kind of peace has flooded in me, and I know I am being called to remain still as He fills me up to overflow.
I have a wonderful boyfriend. His name is Isaac, and he fears the Lord. We met while at Work Crew for Young Life in New York during the summer of 2013. Our story is funny, and I’m hoping it is one that I can share for the rest of my life. Anyway, the Lord uses Isaac in just about every way I can imagine to pull me off of my high horse and set me on the solid foundation that is Christ.
When I think of Isaac (I can’t lie, I don’t know if I ever stop thinking about him), I am reminded of promise and safety and hopeful strength. I never stop laughing when I am with him. He makes life enjoyable and fun. He reminds me that life is an adventure that is meant to be lived to the full. Such a blessing. And I hope and pray that all of my girl friends end up with someone that loves the Lord like Isaac does. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them because they are compelled and inspired by Christ.
But, I cannot bank on that. I am realizing for the millionth time this afternoon that these promises don’t ring true because people like Isaac are willing to ring out. The same goes for anything else that I treasure and consider good. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, remains except/without Jesus. It is enough to make me want to crumble up and fall to my knees. It is a strange kind of heartbreak to release everything but Jesus to Jesus. It is not a painful or lasting heartbreak (or maybe it is better labeled as heartache) simply because nothing is being lost. Nothing is being broken.
When we surrender everything (that we do not have ownership of in the first place) to God, peace floods into our hearts. Jesus can wash our feet, as He longs to. (John 13:1-7). The Holy Spirit will become more apparent in our lives. When God moves, we will not be able to just smile it off and say “Thank You”. We will have no choice but to fall down (however that might look) and worship. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing when Jesus invades and everything is placed into His hands.
I, along with so many others that I know and love, have been trying too desperately to run away from this truth. I can laugh now because it seems like such a hilarious concept to run away from the only lasting and good thing in existence. I want to make this year (sorry for the cliche, but I am beyond determined and am not planning on letting anything get in my way) entirely about Jesus. It is our purpose to do that, anyway. I want Him to intrude and invade and make my life His dwelling place. I want to walk into a room and make others uncomfortable because they don’t see me, they see something too large and wonderful to grasp. I want to throw all of the things I love, good and bad (including myself), into the willing and capable arms of Jesus.
I hope this has encouraged some of you to do the same. Jesus is waiting for us. The least we can do is wait for Him.
In light of all of this, here is the most recent song I recorded. It’s a Judah Lee song, set up to sound like wedding vows to our Creator. I hope it blesses you as well. Happy New Year!
