The Year of the Lord’s Favor
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.
What a God we serve. He is delivering me from the darkness that I have been living in. He is equipping me to bring Him glory, and is honoring my dreams at the same time. It will never cease to amaze me how far He is willing to go to tell us that our seemingly small dreams are huge to Him.
For The Beauty…
I am realizing more and more each day how troubling and avaricious a lifestyle I have been living. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m deliberately choosing things before I choose God, but I am neglecting to choose anything at all (God included). The past couple have months have been pretty difficult months, and so, in light of being all dried up and without any words to complete my thoughts, I will crumble underneath His majesty and admit, “All glory to God.”
Physical health is an intimidating sea to sail. Especially when pain and discomfort are almost constant, almost daily. However, while He cares for my pain and died to prove it, life is not about what we feel, rather, what we have faith in and know to be true. What most nonbelievers don’t understand is that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, weighs heavier on you or makes you feel lighter than the love of God. There is no need to dwell on pain, because 1) His love covers it, and 2) He wants us to offer it up to Him. Glory to God.
In the span of roughly fifty days, I have managed to paint a picture of myself onto a perfectly beautiful and blank canvas as an impecunious, fragmented, ill-fated wretch with no purpose. That is depression for you. It distorts your vision so that all you see is regret and future self-neglect. I don’t remember waking up one day and thinking, “Man, I guess I am depressed now”. It was slow, gradual, and it loomed over my head day in and day out. And now, there seems to be a thick gray cloud that my puny arms can’t swat away. However, the joy of the Lord is my strength. He has told us His truths so that we may be filled with joy. Yes, our joy will overflow… (John 15:11 NLT) And 1 Thessalonians 5:16 (NLT) tells us something simple and heartbreakingly profound: Always be joyful. I know that the Lord doesn’t expect me to muster up artificial joy every morning. He knows my weaknesses, and He knows my heart. Joy is a gift from Him, and, believe me, my arms are wide open to receive. Glory to God.
Mostly, though, these past few months have been poison to my heart. It seems most people I encounter are willing to wage a war and spit some type of poisonous sin into the air and wait for the same thing to be returned. And if it’s not that, they are naturally expecting me to be the one spitting. And those who don’t take part are happily standing by with their own planks in their own eyes, firing off splinters and hoping to hit hidden targets. I have been feeling more than discouraged. Aren’t we meant to bear one another’s burdens? Aren’t we called to act in love, breathe it in and out and give it freely? If one person has a bucket full of love, and the other has only judgement and hate, the trade is obviously not fair. That is when we are called to give our buckets of love away, however much we can muster, and ask nothing in return. I guess that is grace. I guess that is what Jesus was literally dying to tell us. It doesn’t matter if I live my whole life trying to stomp on the agony that comes with being misunderstood by those who are called to mission by Christ. I don’t need to beg God to smite those who hurt me. He loves us just the same. Glory to God.
I have said time and time again… If God called me out into the desert to be utterly alone, by human standards, and give me access to nothing but Himself… would that not be an honor? What a joy to imagine a life without distraction, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord constantly, for the beauty of the Lord is so much greater than anything else… But we aren’t called to be comfortable and we aren’t called to be safe. Not in a physical sense, anyway. He is our comfort. He is our safe place. He is our ever present help in time of trouble. He knows our hearts when not a single person dares to. He is enough. Glory to God.
Here is an old hymn that I added to some music I wrote a couple of years ago. Thanks to my sweet friend Erica for the background image and being my company during this rough time. Your spirit is a contagious one.
Love to all.
The Woodpecker’s Song
I think there is a beauty within irony that is easily avoided and ignored.
In every area of my life, I try to create songs. There is a lot of silent seeking done in order for me to be at peace with a melody that I discover, or words that weigh on my heart. I’ve noticed recently, though, as certain things cripple in my life and memories try to secure themselves in places where I have fought to rid them, the songs that I am able to sing are a bit ironic.
It’s instinctual for me to look at my life as I look at a song. There should always be a sweet melody, something to dance to, something to sing to, something appealing and enticing and right in every way. But life isn’t entirely like that.
Through recent attempts to paint better pictures of how the Lord and I converse, I began to realize that I’m not meant to be a certain melodic beauty that can captivate a heart or two. I can very clearly picture huge things being thrown at me, and I know I’m supposed to chop away at these things until I reach the core. There is a joy deep within the most ironic and seemingly twisted parts of life that Jesus has been showing me, and it comes from nowhere else.
When allowing my hands to communicate this on guitar, I fell short. I felt like there was something pulling me back, repeatedly. Much like the chopping that has been speaking for me, when I’ve lost words. And so, I’m left with the image of the woodpecker. It whistles no perfect little tune, but rather drums it into a tree again and again. I feel like God is crafting a lot of situations in which I’m supposed to sing like a woodpecker instead of some graceful bird.
Here are the words to the song (which is down below), since I’m kind of hard to understand in this recording. I hope the words I’ve written mean something to somebody.
The Woodpecker’s Song
There’s an old woodpecker
who gave his song to me
he told me to tear down the houses
but savor the trees
Now I come heavy and lonesome
with a ringing to cling to
it falls simple and sweet like the song
that was given to me
Hallowed, hollow but living
broken with golden seams
nothing is as it seems
So I tore down the houses
that held all my memories
to comfort the ache in my bones
the splintered wood of an oak tree
And when I hear knocking
there is no door to be locked
only leaves to be turning
and a woodpecker’s thoughts
Hallowed, hollow but living
broken with golden seams
nothing is as it seems
Hallowed, hollow but living
broken with golden seams
nothing is as it seems
painted so brilliantly
And when I’m failing to climb
and falling down has taken all my time
I let that old woodpecker chime
over me
– Rachel