God has been appearing in beautiful ways through almost every situation in my life recently. Or maybe I’m just now beginning to realize the beauty of His presence.
Anyway, here’s another song to fill up time while I’m finalizing things.
My strange and accidental version of It Is Well. (Bethel)
This song is kind of my current life song.
I’ve gone through a lot of different kinds of heart break over this past year- some of which I’m still battling to be at peace with. But through every step (and stumble) I’m falling deeply in love with God. And He’s showing me things so much greater than the heartbreak that still unrightfully haunts me.
I’m feeling like I need to share this short bit of testimony with you:
A while ago, I was in a gross place of bitterness and depression, and I was becoming so tired from fighting against it all that I was borderline giving up on everything, life included. On this particular weekend, there was a festival going on in my city and everyone was either out of reach or intoxicated. I didn’t fit into either category and ended up alone for the majority of the weekend. I took the time to take a hike and reflect on things, in attempt to hear from the Lord and be at peace with things. I couldn’t hear a single word from Him. Of course- that was by my doing. But at the time, it was monumentally frustrating. I wanted to feel important to someone. If I wasn’t important to God then, who in the world would ever view me as worth their time?
So I ended up crying my eyes out, which is a rare occasion in my life, in a parking lot somewhere unfamiliar because I was afraid that if I were to drive another minute, I would do something stupid. Next thing I know, I’m being honked out of the parking lot and yet again, am left with nothing. As my thoughts started to drift into dangerous places, a new thought kept coming into my mind. “What about what I have planned?” I was mad at this at first. Why would God make me suffer through times like this over and over again, just because He is planning something down the line that I can’t even see?
I had no right to be mad at God, but for some reason, it felt like He just wanted me to yell at Him. To let it out. To find some sort of peace. And He was telling me that His heart was broken too. His heart breaks over my heart being broken. His heart breaks over me being alone in scary places. So I went home and halfway destroyed my guitar and voice while the Lord showed me that I was totally wrong by thinking I wasn’t important to Him. And through this, He filled me with more peace than I have ever felt. I felt so calm and peaceful and heavy with promise that I had to admit that through all of the heartbreak and pain, it was well with my soul.
Not just my faulty heart, not just my sad mind… but my soul.
This song means a lot to me. I hope you guys can find peace through it, as well.
:-)