Sometimes I think my thoughts are eternally existing in a very deep valley surrounded by goliath-sized mountains. Half of the time, I am only staring up at what is bordering my own little world. The mountains are hauntingly beautiful, and seem climbable… until I approach them and recognize how mighty they are. The other half of the time, I am only looking down at the low ground beneath me. I can’t decide whether I’m stuck or safe. It took me moving to below sea-level to realize so many amazing, mountain sized truths.
Seacoast School of Worship is more than an answer to prayer. I love that about God. Not only does He answer our prayers, He says, “Hey I’m just gonna give you a million other things, too.” In a nutshell: SSOW is pushing me to greater heights, training my hands to be much more skilled, illuminating my better qualities and healing the not-so-good ones, bringing me joy and plenty of tears, reminding me that God is much bigger than I will ever imagine, and making me ever so aware of the desperate need for His love to invade broken hearts. Well, there are many more things going on than that, but I’m sure that those are the most exciting (at least right now).
I’ve only been there for two weeks and I’m already home again to attend a funeral on Monday. There’s a different kind of healing coming from this moment in time. I don’t know if it’s a death in the family causing me to be so nostalgic, or my withdrawal from the mountains. I think mostly the former, but the mountains always do break my heart (in a good way). Anyway, today I decided that I would drive Skyline Drive by myself. I could not shake the urge to go, even though I could barely afford the $20 entrance fee. There were some beautiful conversations had between Jesus and me. Before I continue, have a look at these pictures. Don’t let your eyes zone out… rather, focus on the tiny things. The little wild flowers that most people miss. The spots of sunlight that are gracing the valley.
Now that I’ve made your heart break at the thought of not also being there, basking in God’s glorious creation, I’ll share some things that I have realized.
1. We seem to assume that the “endless” things in life are related to pain, discomfort, trials. When we are sick, it feels like it will never end. When we are sad, it feels like we will never be happy again. When we are without, it seems that we will never be blessed. On the contrary, when things are good, we are waiting for the end. We think, “How could something this good actually last?” However, the endless things in life are actually quite good. Jesus is endless. His love is endless. His mercy and grace are endless. The beauty of God’s creation is endless. I mean, just look at it. I do not see an end to any of that glory above.
2. I’m not sure how to word this one, so here’s an excerpt of me freaking out in my journal: “What more could I ask for than what you have already given me?! I have everything I could ever need or want because I have You! (!!!) I thank You, Jesus. Still, you prompt me to ask for more from You. You tell me to dream massive dreams and expect You to blow me away… every time.” That was followed by me scribbling “hallelujah” all over the page because no other word made sense to me in that moment. I mean, think about it. What do we deserve? Nothing. What do we have? Everything. And still, He gives us more. We are just little overflowing cups and we don’t know what to do with any of it. (ha)
3. As I was approaching the third overlook on my drive, a song by Sam Amidon came on. The lyrics that successfully made me cry are as follows: ‘Til the sweet apple grows on the sour apple tree… Maybe this won’t resonate with you, but sometimes I feel like I am way too sour for the sweetness that is Jesus. But when you read Philippians 1:6 and are reminded that He is WORKING IN you… you might be surprised at how your heart moves. Notice that Scripture says He is working in us, not on us like we are some project He hopes to one day complete. I don’t want to live like a model car that the Holy Spirit took out of a box to work on because He was bored. He has taken it upon Himself to dwell inside our hearts (the ones that stray and lie and cheat and hate Him without cause) and make His home there. Only He can make a sweet apple grow on a sour apple tree.
I suppose the main thing I learned today was that He isn’t giving up on us. Why else would leaves fall and regrow time and time again? Why else would the sun always rise? Why else would our hearts keep beating, even after they’ve been broken? On that note, I will attend this funeral with a heavy but expectant heart. I will go back to school counting on Him to come through. I will choose not to doubt Him. I will choose to be mindful of the endless glory, not the suffering. I pray the same over anyone reading this.
– Rachel
(Dear friends, please consider supporting me during my time at SSOW. I am approaching a pretty scary financial setback, but I know He will provide. Please consider! Email: [email protected])