There is a fine line between sacrificing for the sake of serving and self-neglect for the sake of not feeling guilty. I have been recklessly wobbling on that line for too long. The Lord has had me in a season of preparation and great change, and within that change has been plenty of mundane, discouraging sameness. Sometimes it feels like there is not much ahead to look forward to other than the mundane sacrifice of serving. That is when I realize my need for a heart change and, sometimes, a change of pace and environment.

Anyone who has been involved in ministry can attest to the fact that serving in ministry requires a surrender of comfort and convenience. I think most could also attest to the great joy and adventure found in that. However, within that is a type of imposter-sacrifice that should not be made, and it leads to neglecting rest and communion with the Father.

Josiah and I have been praying for quite some time that the Lord would guide us to a place that feels like home. A place where we can serve out of an overflow of rest and communion with the Father. A place where our God-breathed vision can be honestly expressed and exercised within the support of other people who are hungry for Jesus. The way that the Lord answered those prayers is almost more of an answer to prayer than the answer itself: we didn’t have to struggle or strain or try to make it work. In fact, we were relaxing, drinking coffee, casually perusing a website that lists church jobs. We even skimmed the listing from the church that ended up hiring us, and skipped over it. We went about our day and made no efforts to pursue the place at all.

The next day, we were both receiving emails that turned into phone calls that turned into a trip to Pennsylvania where we would meet our new people. Within a couple of weeks, our prayers were answered with greater abundance than I ever dared ask for.

So, as I sit typing this, I have to address a few things. If the Lord clearly can work in this way (a way in which we don’t have to beg Him to provide for us or damage ourselves to prove that we love Him), why have I been sick for the past four weeks? Why have I had weeks where I’ve had to choose between driving somewhere to serve and buying groceries? Why have I had weeks where I didn’t have one genuine conversation with a friend? I know that the Lord doesn’t always call us to be comfortable, but I also know that it is not His will for His people to fall from burn-out to burn-out, lacking fellowship and rest, lacking communion with Him, lacking sleep and joy…

And so, on the verge of a new adventure, I have a decision to make. I can continue on the way that I am, barely having the strength to fulfill the over abundance of things I’ve agreed to. Or, I can allow some time for rest and healing. I know this topic is nothing new. Just about every day you can find a different post about learning to say no, or finding joy in the chaos,or how to make time with Jesus a priority. But as someone who has tried it all, and failed time and time again, I need a new approach. I wouldn’t dare embark on this new journey that God so graciously handed to me with gentleness and kindness, and squander it with a reckless series of self-neglecting habits.

I would love to hear your thoughts about ways to find real rest, not just pretty rest that looks nice on instagram and leaves you empty. How do you find real rest and communion with Jesus in the midst of serving and surrender?

– Rachel